Hello, My Brothers and Sisters.
Allow me to introduce myself, I'm a girl of a young age who is going through something. I've fallen into the World sometime last year, and I can't seem to get back on the right track with Lord our God. I've done some things that I shouldn't have, I've disobeyed and disrespected my Parents and My GOD. I won't get into detail about what I've done because some people might say that it's "Not that bad" or it's nothing to worry about and all I have to do is ask for my forgiveness. I feel like there's something I need to do to fix my relationship with God and I don't know what. But to understand my situation I will get into more detail of what I've been through: I chose to stay away from all things Godly (Bible, Church, Gospel Music etc.) just because my Parents are so strict and very serious about our Beliefs.It's not that I didn't believe in Jesus, it's just that I chose to go into that path because it was part of the Lifestyle that I wanted to live, and the lifestyle I wanted to live was the total opposite of what my Family wanted.So I would always have this mean attitude towards everybody especially my Parents. I started questioning God and cursing him because I thought it was 'Cool' the first couple of times I cursed him I actually felt really bad, I got that pain in my stomach like I did something wrong and I shouldn't have done that, but I ignored it. I continued to do it and soon enough I got used to it and it didn't bother me, it became apart of my vocabulary. Every Sunday I'd have to come up with an Excuse to stay home like "I don't feel good" or "I have nothing to wear" once I faked being sick just so I can stay home from Church. I don't know why I was like this, I just got used to the life style and didnt want to change. (Yes, there's more to the story but again I'm not getting into detail.) One day my Parents noticed that I was getting out of control because it came to a point that I hate my Parents so much I couldn't stand to live with them anymore, so I moved in with my Grandparents.So my Parents grounded me, took my phone away (you know how that works) and forced me to move back in with them. When I say they grounded me try not to take that too lightly.It wasn't really being 'Grounded' it was more like Punishment. They didn't abuse me or anything but let's just say there was a lot of Yelling, Screaming and crying when they found some of the stuff that was in my phone. They called me things like 'Satan' or 'Demon possessed' and that punishment went on for a while. I still don't have my phone, they don't trust me with it anymore. They tried to cut me off from all things related to Technology, but with time they let me go on Computers and iPads etc.that was almost a year ago and now my relationship with my Parents is pretty good actually. I feel like because I went through that it made us closer than we were before. But I still don't feel like I'm right with GOD. I know that he is a forgiving God and that he still Loves me, I know that nothing can ever stop him from loving me but I just feel like I can't get back to the relationship I used to have with Him. When I was really young I had a relationship with him that was just amazing, I would always sense the Holy Spirit and I would always be so excited to go to Church every Sunday. I had the gift of Tongues at the age of 7! My Family was proud, my Friends were Jealous THEY WANTED TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD LIKE I HAD WITH HIM. Well, how the tables have turned. Anyway, since then I have been more Sensitive to the Holy Spirit and I try to go To Church when I can. I pray every night but I feel like my prayers are a little on the selfish side. I don't really listen to Gospel music, only occasionally. I have prayed and fasted for something Selfish and even though God answered that prayer, I feel like I should've fasted for something more important like getting to know him better. I just can't get myself to fast again, I tried but I absolutely cannot do it anymore.So I do feel like I'm slowly getting on the right track, but I always get tempted to go back to that life and sometimes I do go back and do what my Parents don't want me to do and I know that by disobeying my a parents I'm disobeying God. I just can't fight this addiction and I'm going crazy.
If you've read everything that I just wrote, I just want to Thank you and say God bless you because that means you are worried about another Christian in trouble and want to help. If you have any advice for me, please tell me what to do.
>>> In need of some Spiritual advice .?