Physical / psychological / mental abuse?
Yes, I have trust issues. Yes, I am insecure. But, he has lied to me more than once, and I'm sure more than I know. He is sneaky and he hides things; he refuses to give me the passcode for his ipad and for his laptop. He won't tell his family about me because he married out of his religion and he doesn't want to "kill" his mother (family is overseas).
He says that I am abusing him because I am annoying, I won't let him "have his peace," and I "grumble" too much. Two nights ago while he was sleeping I found something in his car that seemed to belong to another woman. Nothing like underwear.In retrospect, I overreacted. BUT this is my husband who is gone 12-14 hours a day although he doesn't have to be, won't allow me access to his online life, and who I know uses a fake FB profile to look at unsuspecting girl's profiles.
Anyway, I woke him up. Not harshly, I turned the light on and said his name. I asked him where the items came from. He kicked me and jumped out of bed and put me in some sort of grip in which he was squeezing my chest with one arm and had the other arm around my head as if to snap my neck.
He then laid back down and told me to leave him alone. Yes, I should have called the police, but I didn't. Instead I said I will leave you alone if you tell me where these came from. He then began telling me that I need a lawyer because he has one and I am going to be sorry because I am going to lose him and half of everything I have (which was mine before I met him).
As the verbal abuse continued (threats and calling me crazy) he then told me that if he killed me he would get away with it because I am crazy. He records these types of events with his cellphone and has told me that is doing it to "protect" himself in case "something" happens and that he will edit the recording so that when he says things like I am lucky he didn't kill me, no one else will hear.
So now, a few days later, he has told me that he doesn't love me anymore, that he is happy without my "interruption," that he does not want to try to fix our relationship. He says that his feelings have already changed for me, he doesn't know if he can change them back, he needs more time.
Everyday is like a new heartbreak. He walks around like all is good in the world. (This is for the hour or so after he comes home before he goes to bed and then the hour after he wakes up before he leaves.) I feel like a hotel. I feel like a fool. I want so badly for him to love me, but more I think I want him to just go away. I wonder if he is having an affair. All of the signs are there, they've been there for a while. That's why I am so "annoying" because I ask him questions. He says I don't deserve a faithful spouse, he says I don't deserve to know where he goes, or he communicates with online.
I wish I could leave, but there is the matter of immigration. His, not mine. I am his sponsor for his green card. Thankfully it is temporary, the condition supposed to be removed next summer. When I am done here I will start trying to find out if I really do need to continue to be financially responsible for him according to the immigration laws.
Please help me… I feel so despondent. I have no close family after my mom's death and I have annoyed my few close friends with this for too long. What can I do? I want to go to a hotel for a few days until after his big exam (he is a student) on Saturday. Since he doesn't "have time" to do anything until after then. Then I am hoping that he will pack his few boxes of belongings and go stay with his friends, or perhaps the person he may have on the side. Today is Tuesday. I don't know if my heart can handle five more days of torture.
I start to wonder if it is my fault? Do I deserve this because I am so annoying and untrusting? That is what he wants me to believe… and sometimes I do. But sometimes I realize that I don't deserve this, that this is mental torture…
Added (1). Thank you to all of you who answered me in a kind and compassionate manner. I truly appreciate your advice and obvious care. I am not at a high enough level yet to thumbs up or down yet…
To the one who I reported… Am I annoying because I am obviously more advanced than you in every way possible? Are you threatened by intelligent women? I would guess yes… I would also wager that you are an abuser yourself.Do the world a favor and disappear.
Added (2). Thank you to all of you who answered me in a kind and compassionate manner. I truly appreciate your advice and obvious care. I am not at a high enough level yet to thumbs up or down yet…
To the one who I reported… Am I annoying because I am obviously more advanced than you in every way possible? Are you threatened by intelligent women? I would guess yes… I would also wager that you are an abuser yourself.Do the world a favor and disappear.
Added (3). RE: THE GREEN CARD - His ability to stay here is not dependent on me, he can revert back to his student visa and stay while he finishes school and then stay if he finds a job - I have never held that over his head, there is nothing for me to hold over his head HE CAN STAY IN THE COUNTRY ON HIS STUDENT VISA, THE DIFFERENCE IS THAT I WON'T BE HIS SPONSOR AND WON'T BE FINANCIALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR HIM - One of the reasons we got married was so that he could get a real job and contribute more to our household - after we got married he decided he didn't want to do that - I have told him over and over that I mean him no harm - I don't want him to have to leave the country - I ONLY SAIDS THAT IF HE DOESN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE I WISH HE WOULD SAVE ME THE HEARTACHE AND GO STAY WITH HIS FRIENDS
См. статью: Is my husband abusing me?