Abuse victims, how has/does it affect you?

My father was abusive. He'd hit, kick, choke pull my hair and drag me around by it, throw me into walls, throw me to the ground and stomp on me, threaten to kill me, ect… I'd be sore for days after. My mother never did anything about it. She told me I deserved it for misbehaving and that if I told anyone I'd be removed from my family be worse of in foster care. If she got angry enough at me she'd slap me, squeeze my face, grab me and dig her nails into my skin, and pull my hair. Which she said I deserved that for misbehaving too. I was left depressed by the time I was twelve and I'd self harm to deal with that depression. I've been depressed for years and haven't kicked the self harm habit yet. If somebody raises or swings their arms to fast, I automatically flinch. It's not intentional. It's like jumping at a sudden, unexpected loud noise, which I am much more jumpy than people normally are so there's also that. Random bursts of anger scare me. I was cuddling with my boyfriend and we were watching YouTube videos on his IPad. The thing wouldn't load so he got annoyed and without warning screamed and punched it. I got so scared that I hid my face in his shoulders and shook. I'm also extra scared of pain.
What have you experienced and how has it effected you?

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