Wife claims there was no affair. We are seeking lawyers to decide if we want to divorce?

I'm 32 and she is 29. She is Chinese and I'm Aussie. Married for 4 years, together for 7 and no kids.

She works in a Chinese real estate firm. Their job entails taking clients out to dinner and buying them gifts to befriend them.

I have a pattern of checking her phone on and off because my trust is not the best plus I'm curious to know about her work (she doesn't like to discuss anything about her work with me). For the longest time, she has come home to relax and do her own thing with barely talking to me. I couldn't understand but my parents sided with her that I should let her relax after work and let her play her phone etc. I argued that it was creating distance between us.

At the start of our marriage she refused to kiss me because of an incident when we were engaged where I was considering breaking up and went to dinner with another girl. But nothing happened between us and I only took her out one time.

My has done much more. Dinners alone with different young Chinese guys here saying it is for work. It looks like she got close to one guy and she has been out to dinner a couple of times with him. Her company offers a financial reward for referrals so she bought him an ipad and encouraged him to go out shopping.

I snooped her chat history to find this out. I misinterpreted the meanings and thought they were having an affair. So I got really upset. She brought home a meal from him that he had cooked and left at her company… It looks and sounds off.
Added (1). So I followed the advice of another poster and asked for an explanation. She told me all about the work connections with him and how it was purely business. Then proceeded to say that she won't explain hersekf anymore and that her heart was dead to me because every day I left crazy or upset messages on her chat program. I would send them as I wanted to articulate what I wanted to say.
Added (2). Now she is talking about needing time next week to decide if she wants to move out and wants to see a lawyer. I have been documenting etc. She doesn't know I'm seeing a lawyer next week for advice on property. I have recorded her offering up one of our properties to settle.

I'm taking it slowly now. She found the excuse again not to kiss me… Because of the online messages. For the oast six months she has gotten worse in her swearing at me. Abusing me.
Added (3). When I addressed the problems, she accused me of a cycle if violence where I would send nagging messages conveying my hurt feelings and pretty much telling her I thought her ways were hurtful or that I didn't trust her. And then trying to make up with her. So up and down.
Added (4). Still it didn't sit well with me to have her going to dinner with another young guy, sitting around with him to teach him real estate and then bringing food home from him. If he was a young student or there was a bigger age gap maybe I could understand but they are of a similar age. I told her before that I never accepted how dhe wanted to run around with a colleague at the start of our marriage and got her to stop it.
Added (5). I see she is still with me. We don't talk much. She is still affectionate to a degree. What set alarm bells off for me was her up and down behaviour when we went away. And then after we got back she wanted a couple of days space and I hadn't sent anything bad to her for days!
Added (6). Love is supposed to feel good and it is supposed to flow smoothly. And joy. I don't know if backing off will let her stay here or if she is just talking with no actions. I'm seeking action to be on the safe side. She is my first love so my close friend told me I am too deeply in love and that everything is being driven by money and not love. There's no sense of efforrs to closeness. I mean we have not much time for each other due to work and she doesn't make space for me because we have loans.
Added (7). The close friend also claimed I'm being mentally abused. I suggested to my wife that we should go out somewhere because I was getting upset at her social life with clients on Sundays without me. Going nice places and attending bbqs when I was working. I went alone to check out an island because she didn't feel like going with me. I wish we had time to go out together to restaurants or soend time together more:( but she says I'm harassing her and leave her alone.

Read more: Wife claims there was no affair. We are seeking lawyers to decide if we want to divorce?