How to update the IPAD 1st Generation to IOS anything?!

I'm all researched out and the simplest answer seemed to be to connect to my ITunes account, but I go there, and under my IPad (IOS 5.1.1) I click "check for updates" and it says "your IPad software is up to date."

As you're probably all aware, there is little I can do with at least IOS 7, based on anything I've tried to download. I'm lucky it can connect to the Internet, it's so pathetic. I am not very tech-savvy, and would prefer the insults on why I even have one, or whatever else-to a minimum.

If you have a quick, helpful answer or link, please share. Otherwise, maybe I'll just sell it on eBay. It's in great shape and barely used.

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