Why cannot my past just leave me and have a little bit of luck?

I mean my past was bad I was a little boy that cried a lot in school made mistakes was bullied although I could have done something but didn't sadly i was to kind instead of being to cruel and serious which would helped know iam 18 fat,lazy, and I hate everybody I feel lost I have an sat exam which I never did before iam bad at math life sucks I spend all day sitting on my ipad and I feel my will is shattered and iam tired although my mom says life is still ahead of you why do not things move fast so I could start making money because it is everything and every second I got flash backs from my past i mean damn

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